that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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