He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
