my being single is dangerous.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
