i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize