garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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