y did u give ur computer a hand job?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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