I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
