There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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