I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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