I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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