Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
