I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
