I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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