I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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