i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
