i just wanna soil my oats bro
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
