the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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