all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
