Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
