If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
