my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
