Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
