On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
