Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
