...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
