I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
