can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
