Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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