i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
