Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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