you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
