Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
