Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize