my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
