people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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