the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
