omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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