literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
