thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I believe in your delicious
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
