and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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