weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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