goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize