so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
