You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
