Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
