i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
