There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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