I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
