I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
