before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
