I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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