Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
