Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
