Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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