Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
