You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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