Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
