What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize