don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
