the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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