I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
