arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Randomize
