Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
