I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
