awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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