It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
