Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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