he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
