The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
