My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
