and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
