Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize