Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
