Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Randomize